A Little Controversy...
I just read a post on another blog - http://ridor.blogspot.com/ . The post was entitled "I Have No Right To Tell Them How To Live Their Lives!" I actually wrote this post as a comment, but it turned out so long, I couldn't post it there (they have a 1000 word limit). So, I just said I enjoyed the comments and left my URL. So, without further comment - here is what I wrote:
I am a single (divorced 15+ yrs ago) woman, age 42, white, Christian, (mainly) Republican - and at age 39 I found myself pregnant. I have two older children from my marriage - at that time they were aged 17 and 15 - and the father of my unborn child was married. What did he want?? Of course he wanted me to have an abortion and at first I agreed. I even went so far as to make the appointment and necessary arrangements for the procedure.... After all, I loved him, I didn't want to hurt him and I was really concerned about hurting my own family and letting down my kids after years of trying to set a good example. Basically, I didn't want any of them to know what I had done, either.
Two days before the scheduled time, I had to tell him I could not go through with it - I knew that if I did I would die - if not physically, then certainly emotionally/spiritually (I already felt bad enough about having an affair with a married man). Trust me - it was not an easy decision either way - it's no easier to tell your parents/children you are pregnant when you are nearly 40 than it is when you are 16.
Did I make the right decision? I did - for me. Would I do the same thing again - I'm not sure, I haven't been there; I hope I never am. Do I support another woman's right to decide?? ABSOLUTELY! Therefore I categorically oppose any governmental edict affecting or limiting the right of a woman to have control over what her body is required to do or not do. But if asked my personal opinion of abortion, I have to say I do believe it is murder.
One problem as I see it is this: the decision to have your FIRST abortion may be a difficult one, but it tends to get a little easier after that. You'd be surprised how many people (women) "counseled" me to have an abortion by confiding in me that they too had aborted children - that's right - CHILDREN - not one abortion, but 2 or more. I was amazed. I felt I was being pressured to "join the club" - and we all know misery loves company.
I personally DO know a woman who uses abortion as a method of birth control (she has had approximately 14 of them - NO I am NOT exaggerating - she had 2 in less than 12 months between 2002/2003). She is also raising 3 children from 2 previous marriages. Why does she not simply use the pill?? I have NO CLUE - she drinks a lot (enough to impair her judgment on a regular basis) - and I suppose that having her tubes tied would cost too much up front with no insurance, so it's easier to scrounge up $400 at a time every 6-18 months than it is to pay whatever the cost of sterilization is since she would have to pay that off BEFORE she has the procedure. Yes, I AM in favor of government-funded sterilization for women who cannot afford it and who REQUEST it. In spite of my total inability to comprehend her actions or her motivations, I still support her right to make the decision to terminate any future pregnancies.
I wish I could say that my baby's father respected my decision. He did not - he really wanted to avoid taking any kind of responsibility for his own actions and went to great lengths to avoid doing so. He even went so far as to pack up his wife and his mother-in-law and move 400 miles away to avoid their finding out (I certainly was not threatening to tell), but I did, in the end, take him to court for child support - so I can see why men would want some say in the outcome of an unplanned pregnancy. The bottom line is - you (men) should be prepared to abide by and support a woman's reproductive choice the minute your dick gets hard and you decide to have sex. If you're not, then DON'T DO IT, because you are giving away sovereignty over your own future.
Once a baby is made, it cannot be unmade - and an abortion does not change that fact one bit. It just makes it easier to hide the truth... in my opinion.
Footnote: I am 1000% percent grateful and happy to have my little angel! I would not trade her for anything in this world and I intend to let her know that EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I do feel bad that I could not provide her with a mommy AND a daddy who love her - and I know she will have some really difficult self-esteem issues to deal with where that is concerned (unless I find a "daddy" before she's much older - and that's about as likely as pigs flying), but I chose to have her and I owe her the very best that I can give her - anything less is not an option. ...osm
I am a single (divorced 15+ yrs ago) woman, age 42, white, Christian, (mainly) Republican - and at age 39 I found myself pregnant. I have two older children from my marriage - at that time they were aged 17 and 15 - and the father of my unborn child was married. What did he want?? Of course he wanted me to have an abortion and at first I agreed. I even went so far as to make the appointment and necessary arrangements for the procedure.... After all, I loved him, I didn't want to hurt him and I was really concerned about hurting my own family and letting down my kids after years of trying to set a good example. Basically, I didn't want any of them to know what I had done, either.
Two days before the scheduled time, I had to tell him I could not go through with it - I knew that if I did I would die - if not physically, then certainly emotionally/spiritually (I already felt bad enough about having an affair with a married man). Trust me - it was not an easy decision either way - it's no easier to tell your parents/children you are pregnant when you are nearly 40 than it is when you are 16.
Did I make the right decision? I did - for me. Would I do the same thing again - I'm not sure, I haven't been there; I hope I never am. Do I support another woman's right to decide?? ABSOLUTELY! Therefore I categorically oppose any governmental edict affecting or limiting the right of a woman to have control over what her body is required to do or not do. But if asked my personal opinion of abortion, I have to say I do believe it is murder.
One problem as I see it is this: the decision to have your FIRST abortion may be a difficult one, but it tends to get a little easier after that. You'd be surprised how many people (women) "counseled" me to have an abortion by confiding in me that they too had aborted children - that's right - CHILDREN - not one abortion, but 2 or more. I was amazed. I felt I was being pressured to "join the club" - and we all know misery loves company.
I personally DO know a woman who uses abortion as a method of birth control (she has had approximately 14 of them - NO I am NOT exaggerating - she had 2 in less than 12 months between 2002/2003). She is also raising 3 children from 2 previous marriages. Why does she not simply use the pill?? I have NO CLUE - she drinks a lot (enough to impair her judgment on a regular basis) - and I suppose that having her tubes tied would cost too much up front with no insurance, so it's easier to scrounge up $400 at a time every 6-18 months than it is to pay whatever the cost of sterilization is since she would have to pay that off BEFORE she has the procedure. Yes, I AM in favor of government-funded sterilization for women who cannot afford it and who REQUEST it. In spite of my total inability to comprehend her actions or her motivations, I still support her right to make the decision to terminate any future pregnancies.
I wish I could say that my baby's father respected my decision. He did not - he really wanted to avoid taking any kind of responsibility for his own actions and went to great lengths to avoid doing so. He even went so far as to pack up his wife and his mother-in-law and move 400 miles away to avoid their finding out (I certainly was not threatening to tell), but I did, in the end, take him to court for child support - so I can see why men would want some say in the outcome of an unplanned pregnancy. The bottom line is - you (men) should be prepared to abide by and support a woman's reproductive choice the minute your dick gets hard and you decide to have sex. If you're not, then DON'T DO IT, because you are giving away sovereignty over your own future.
Once a baby is made, it cannot be unmade - and an abortion does not change that fact one bit. It just makes it easier to hide the truth... in my opinion.
Footnote: I am 1000% percent grateful and happy to have my little angel! I would not trade her for anything in this world and I intend to let her know that EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I do feel bad that I could not provide her with a mommy AND a daddy who love her - and I know she will have some really difficult self-esteem issues to deal with where that is concerned (unless I find a "daddy" before she's much older - and that's about as likely as pigs flying), but I chose to have her and I owe her the very best that I can give her - anything less is not an option. ...osm
posted by OneSingleMom @ 8/07/2004 03:45:00 PM
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