Tequila and Salt

I got one of those feel-good kind of emails today - but I really did feel good after I read it, so I thought I would just stick it up out here and hopefully make someone else feel good. (Especially since I'm not getting any right now - I might as well make someone feel good the only way I can, right? HA HA)

Anyway, here you go! And if there are any copyrights or acknowledgements that need to be made, I apologize - I have no clue who originally wrote this one (although I suspect no one person did it, but rather it is the result of a billion forwarded messages that have been altered by a lot of different people at one time or another - so in that respect, I might as well give Al Gore credit for it, since he invented the internet in the first place.) The comments in blue are entirely my own. ...osm

You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. (No, this does NOT include Ben & Jerry, Tom & Jerry, or Bob & Tom)

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. (Some are better in some ways than others, I just recommend that you don't do them all together at once, and, yes, if you include the family dog, that is a CRIME in most states.)

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. (Except if I hate you, and then it's because you are one of my exes, or someone who has done some irreparable harm to me or my family, in which case you a stupid, worthless piece of garbage, and I wouldn't cross the street to spit on you if you were on fire.)

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. (Especially true if you leave a table full of friends playing cards to go off with your girlfriend for about 15 minutes and come back with a pubic hair stuck between your teeth - and you don't know it!!)

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. (They could also be praying that you are attacked and torn to pieces by wild dogs, or that you get caught having sex in the bathroom at work, but hey - at least they THOUGHT about you, right?)

6. You mean the world to someone. (Probably your unemployed husband/boyfriend who does nothing but lie on the couch all day watching Jerry Springer or surfing the internet for porn or new phone sex numbers. This same person will also expect you to bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan AND do the laundry AND carry out the trash AND change your own flat tires while he watches a ball game on TV.)

7. You are special and unique. (Translated, this means - you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny - which is why you are alone.)

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. (Do the words "internet stalker" mean anything to you? I sure hope you don't have any identifying information posted online that would allow someone to find your address.)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. (Especially if you can sue someone else for it like the idiot lady who spilled McDonald's coffee in her lap.)

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. (Actually, you should really just watch your back, cover your ass, etc.... Remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!)

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. (Until later when you have plenty of time to plot the demise of those who would say rude things about you. If you start talking in public about how you're going to get even, someone might hear you and turn you in.)

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt..... AMEN!