Just When You Thought It Was Safe....
Lost Blog Entry - Originally penned 9/22/04 - just putting it out here for the heck of it now, I guess. ...osm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did I bother to get out of bed today??
A quick recap of the past year (with maybe a little more history thrown in). I have been a single mom since my ex-husband and I separated when my middle child, my son, was 8 months old. (This was in April, 1987). My ex has never been a very active part of our two children's lives - but he has seen them on a regular basis. To hear him tell it, you'd think he was the very martyr for father's rights - but - whatever. He quit paying child support on any kind of regular basis a good number of years ago, and I probably would have overlooked it, except that everything (and everyone) else in his life always took precedence over our kids. There were missed birthdays, soccer and basketball games, piano recitals, band concerts - the whole gambit. Yes, he saw them at Spring Break, and usually got them the day after Christmas, but as far as calling to talk to them - or even to check on them - we never heard a word from him unless he was trying to set up a visit - and usually at the last minute. I could really go on and on here about how more than once my parents have turned around and brought my kids BACK into town (they were headed out on a vacation with them) so that the asshole could have them because he'd called on a whim. I have NEVER EVER tried to keep my kids from having a relationship with their dad (and just FYI, I have never called him "asshole" in front of them).
Anyhoo, I believe I posted early on in my blog about how I didn't let either of my children get their driver's licenses at age 16 - which I KNOW was a source of great irritation to them. Last summer, my ex took my then 17-year-old son for a visit, and when he brought him home at the end of the summer, had convinced my son to ask to go and live with his dad and his stepmom and 2 step-brothers and 2 half-sisters. I really was reluctant - truly I was. But my son can be very convincing, AND I really have seen how hard it has been for my oldest not having a relationship with her dad like she'd like to, so I said "ok". To quote Julia Roberts: "Big Mistake. Huge."
Back in Feb of 2002, I had tried to secure an attorney to take my ex to court over unpaid child support (according to court records, the principal amount totaled over $40k - not counting penalties and interest). Now granted, he has paid some money to me directly - but not NEARLY what he should have, so I would estimate (and it is ONLY an estimate) that the amount he actually owes (principal) is closer to about $25k - but after you add on the interest - it would probably come to more like $50k (since the $40k comes to over $70k). Neither here nor there, cuz all I ever really wanted was for him to pay the amount he had been ordered to pay back in 1989 when we finally divorced. After I filed with the attorney, and he got served papers, he started paying the correct amount, and continued to do so until our daughter turned 18 and graduated high school, then the amount dropped - with him still paying an extra $100/mo in arrears. Long story short, I didn't have the $$ to finish paying off my attorney in this matter, so we never went to court.
Fast forward to September 2003. I gave my son permission to go live with his dad. Child support stopped back in August. Well of COURSE it did - that was the whole idea, wasn't it? I couldn't say that to my son - how hurtful would that be? "Uh Sorry, son, but you see - the REAL reason you dad and the stepmonster want you to live with them is because they believe they won't have to pay support anymore if you do." But in the end, that's what happened - and after many heated exchanges with my ex, during one of which he threatened to take ME to court to make ME pay support - and I begged him to do that - to sum it all up, I just told him I'd let the Attorney General's office handle my case, and whatever the judge decided was fine with me - I was tired of being the bitch here.
In the end, my son ended up getting a GED because he could not transfer his private school credits from here to public school there. He is currently enrolled in Jr College this semester and working full-time at a local truck wash - where I hope he TRULY learns the value of a good education. There have been a LOT of bumps along the way, including, but not limited to marijuana use and sex. It has DRIVEN ME NUTS not to be directly involved in my son's life - he is more than 400 miles away from me, and his father's approach to parenting is "boys will be boys" and "he's 18 now, you can't make him do ANYTHING". But that's a whole other bitch session.
Supposedly things have been really good lately, and my son has been attending classes and doing well. Then comes today. I had my oldest daughter call her dad's house to see if her brother was there. (If I call, he's never there and nobody will tell me where he is or even that I've called). I really hate "using" my older daughter to get to her brother, but it's the only way through the step-wife. Sorry. Fact of life. It's not a problem with my son, it's a problem that the step-wife has with me talking to him - or to my ex for that matter. And no, I have NEVER EVER interfered in their lives - I have no reason to want to. The only exception I've ever taken to anything they do is where it affects my kids (negatively).
So anyway, my daughter "L" calls and the step-wife answers the phone. Lo, and behold - guess what they've done???? THEY HAVE UP AND MOVED AWAY. No idea where my son is - or who he'll be staying with. Her sons are so heavily involved in drugs that they felt it was best to move back up here and live in my ex's father's house and put her kids in school in the very small town where my ex grew up. But what about our son - my ex's oldest (and only biologcial) son?? Sorry, kid - we gotta move. Hope you're ok - give us a call sometime. Did anyone call me? NOOOOO. The only reason we got an answer to the phone call today is because the step-wife is there finishing packing - they will be completely out this weekend. Her words "we have no idea where "C" is. He got a prepaid cell phone last week, but when I asked him for the number, he said he didn't know what it was." That was it. Leave an 18 y/o kid on his own, 400 miles away from ANY kind of family - and not even a FUCKING PHONE CALL TO HIS MOTHER to tell her they're gonna do this.
Needless to say, I am beside myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did I bother to get out of bed today??
A quick recap of the past year (with maybe a little more history thrown in). I have been a single mom since my ex-husband and I separated when my middle child, my son, was 8 months old. (This was in April, 1987). My ex has never been a very active part of our two children's lives - but he has seen them on a regular basis. To hear him tell it, you'd think he was the very martyr for father's rights - but - whatever. He quit paying child support on any kind of regular basis a good number of years ago, and I probably would have overlooked it, except that everything (and everyone) else in his life always took precedence over our kids. There were missed birthdays, soccer and basketball games, piano recitals, band concerts - the whole gambit. Yes, he saw them at Spring Break, and usually got them the day after Christmas, but as far as calling to talk to them - or even to check on them - we never heard a word from him unless he was trying to set up a visit - and usually at the last minute. I could really go on and on here about how more than once my parents have turned around and brought my kids BACK into town (they were headed out on a vacation with them) so that the asshole could have them because he'd called on a whim. I have NEVER EVER tried to keep my kids from having a relationship with their dad (and just FYI, I have never called him "asshole" in front of them).
Anyhoo, I believe I posted early on in my blog about how I didn't let either of my children get their driver's licenses at age 16 - which I KNOW was a source of great irritation to them. Last summer, my ex took my then 17-year-old son for a visit, and when he brought him home at the end of the summer, had convinced my son to ask to go and live with his dad and his stepmom and 2 step-brothers and 2 half-sisters. I really was reluctant - truly I was. But my son can be very convincing, AND I really have seen how hard it has been for my oldest not having a relationship with her dad like she'd like to, so I said "ok". To quote Julia Roberts: "Big Mistake. Huge."
Back in Feb of 2002, I had tried to secure an attorney to take my ex to court over unpaid child support (according to court records, the principal amount totaled over $40k - not counting penalties and interest). Now granted, he has paid some money to me directly - but not NEARLY what he should have, so I would estimate (and it is ONLY an estimate) that the amount he actually owes (principal) is closer to about $25k - but after you add on the interest - it would probably come to more like $50k (since the $40k comes to over $70k). Neither here nor there, cuz all I ever really wanted was for him to pay the amount he had been ordered to pay back in 1989 when we finally divorced. After I filed with the attorney, and he got served papers, he started paying the correct amount, and continued to do so until our daughter turned 18 and graduated high school, then the amount dropped - with him still paying an extra $100/mo in arrears. Long story short, I didn't have the $$ to finish paying off my attorney in this matter, so we never went to court.
Fast forward to September 2003. I gave my son permission to go live with his dad. Child support stopped back in August. Well of COURSE it did - that was the whole idea, wasn't it? I couldn't say that to my son - how hurtful would that be? "Uh Sorry, son, but you see - the REAL reason you dad and the stepmonster want you to live with them is because they believe they won't have to pay support anymore if you do." But in the end, that's what happened - and after many heated exchanges with my ex, during one of which he threatened to take ME to court to make ME pay support - and I begged him to do that - to sum it all up, I just told him I'd let the Attorney General's office handle my case, and whatever the judge decided was fine with me - I was tired of being the bitch here.
In the end, my son ended up getting a GED because he could not transfer his private school credits from here to public school there. He is currently enrolled in Jr College this semester and working full-time at a local truck wash - where I hope he TRULY learns the value of a good education. There have been a LOT of bumps along the way, including, but not limited to marijuana use and sex. It has DRIVEN ME NUTS not to be directly involved in my son's life - he is more than 400 miles away from me, and his father's approach to parenting is "boys will be boys" and "he's 18 now, you can't make him do ANYTHING". But that's a whole other bitch session.
Supposedly things have been really good lately, and my son has been attending classes and doing well. Then comes today. I had my oldest daughter call her dad's house to see if her brother was there. (If I call, he's never there and nobody will tell me where he is or even that I've called). I really hate "using" my older daughter to get to her brother, but it's the only way through the step-wife. Sorry. Fact of life. It's not a problem with my son, it's a problem that the step-wife has with me talking to him - or to my ex for that matter. And no, I have NEVER EVER interfered in their lives - I have no reason to want to. The only exception I've ever taken to anything they do is where it affects my kids (negatively).
So anyway, my daughter "L" calls and the step-wife answers the phone. Lo, and behold - guess what they've done???? THEY HAVE UP AND MOVED AWAY. No idea where my son is - or who he'll be staying with. Her sons are so heavily involved in drugs that they felt it was best to move back up here and live in my ex's father's house and put her kids in school in the very small town where my ex grew up. But what about our son - my ex's oldest (and only biologcial) son?? Sorry, kid - we gotta move. Hope you're ok - give us a call sometime. Did anyone call me? NOOOOO. The only reason we got an answer to the phone call today is because the step-wife is there finishing packing - they will be completely out this weekend. Her words "we have no idea where "C" is. He got a prepaid cell phone last week, but when I asked him for the number, he said he didn't know what it was." That was it. Leave an 18 y/o kid on his own, 400 miles away from ANY kind of family - and not even a FUCKING PHONE CALL TO HIS MOTHER to tell her they're gonna do this.
Needless to say, I am beside myself
posted by OneSingleMom @ 9/22/2004 03:15:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home