Sunrise, Sunset....

Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older
When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he get to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday
When they were small?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

Not sure how to give credit for those lyrics, but you should recognize them as the words to "Sunrise, Sunset" from the musical "Fiddler on the Roof". Awesome.

Ok kiddies, I know I've been away for a while, but I'm back. I've been in such a funk lately that I couldn't even bring myself to spend the time sitting at the 'puter to pour my heart out. And if I could have, no one would have wanted to read the crap I was pissing and moaning about anyway. Soooo.....

Why the melancholy words to start today's ramblings?? Well, I took my baby (2 y/o) to her first day at what I am calling "Play School". Actually, she's just going to spend ONE day a week at a local church's Mother's Day Out program - but - since I've spent the entire last year with her almost every day (no babysitters) - only leaving her once in a while to spend the night with Gran-Jan and Aw-Paw (at their request), or on occasional evening forays while Big Sister or Auntie babysit, this is a MAJOR deal for me.

Why, you ask? Hell if I know!! I have two grown children already - I was pretty whiney about leaving them for the first time, too - but I also worked and/or attended school full-time from the time they were small, so it was just the way of life we had, and I had no other frame of reference.

For one thing, I've gotten really attached to my little miss - staying home with her all day, fixing lunch, yelling at her to stay out of stuff while I'm working, leaving her parked in front of PBS all day to let Big Bird babysit while I work (I'm KIDDING) - that kind of thing. (grin) I know that taking her to Mother's Day Out, is just the first of many steps she'll be making to grow away from me as she gets bigger. And, having two grown children, I guess I already know how quickly that will pass - so I'm REALLY trying to savor every moment I have with her. That's why I could only bring myself to send her one day a week instead of two. In my younger parenting days, I would have probably only slowed down, pushed her out of the car, and sped away looking forward to ME ME ME time. Funny how 20 yrs or so will change your perspective.

I think the other reason why I'm so guarded about our time together is because I know that she doesn't have a daddy - and I'm very protective of her because of that. She already knows that some other kids have a guy they call "Daddy" - and she actually (I'm not exaggerating here) asks about hers. For a while, she called one of my friend's husbands "Dad" because that's all she heard their son call him - I guess she thought it was his name. And one day she even brought the phone to me and said "Call my daddy?" Yeah - it about killed me.

Fucking Randy B. - who could pass up this little angel?? For any reason?? but - I'm not going to spoil my story bitching about him - he will burn in hell in his own good time, not mine. (bitter, much? you bet your ass!!)

It's probably a dangerous thing to do, but I'm going to post some pics of her with her new Disney Princess Backpack and Lunchbox - and her new duds from Gymboree (omg - am I going to be one of THOSE mothers??) Actually, the Disney Store was having a sale, and the backpack and lunch box were only $6 each, and the clothes at Gymboree were all on clearance - and, btw - I have NEVER EVER even set foot in a Gymboree store before last night. The only Gymboree clothes she's ever worn before this were purchased second-hand off of E-bay.

Last night, we washed her hair and rolled it up on sponge rollers - complete with a little satin sleeping cap to keep them all safely tucked in overnight. (I have pics of this, too) I could have given you pics of her modeling her new backpack - after her bath - with only the rollers and her flipflops to complete the wardrobe - but I was afraid of either a)being prosecuted for child pornography or b)attracting pedophiles - so I figured I'd better just keep that memory tucked away for just me.

So here I sit - I've been working today - kicking ass and taking names. I just figured I'd take the time to let you guys (all 3 or 4 of you) know that I'm still here and I will be writing some more. And I wanted also to say "Thank you, God, for my littlest angel. I am truly blessed that you have loaned her to me, and I want everyone to know that You are the most wonderful of all for letting me have her!" Amen! ...osm