If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now - Part I...
To Chuck over at Marriage Made Online:
You are posing the hypothetical question like in Peggy Sue Got Married, right? You go back, but you know everything you've learned along the way??
I would go back to 1978 and not have sex for the first time with the person I did. In fact, I would not have had sex with at LEAST 90% of the people I did have sex with. (Keep in mind, that doesn't mean there have been a lot, but there have definitely been TOO many.)
I'm not sure whether or not I'd change the real loves of my life - or my marriage (in that I wouldn't have done it). True, it would mean I don't have the kids I have now, but maybe they would have been born to better circumstances and better relationships in families with a mom AND a dad and who love and respect each other. That is the toughest question of all.
Maybe I WOULD go ahead and marry my ex-husband, but be a better wife this time around and do what I know could have saved our marriage and then we'd still be together and it would be good.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing for what might have been - the way it was - it was not good and he's been a complete failure as a father to our two children. But I can look back and see where I could have changed things (knowing him like I do) - and he really did want to do better. I KNOW I COULD HAVE (done better)!!!
Of course, if we hadn't divorced, I'd never have gone down this latest path, and I wouldn't have my youngest daughter (again - my kids are the ONLY thing to give me reason to second-guess myself). Or maybe I would have her, but she would have a different last name, who knows??
Gee, Chuck - thanks for making me have to get all deep and philosophical and stuff. I think I need a drink, now!! Anybody got tequila??? I think I'll call my sister and have her pick up some on her way home. ...osm
You are posing the hypothetical question like in Peggy Sue Got Married, right? You go back, but you know everything you've learned along the way??
I would go back to 1978 and not have sex for the first time with the person I did. In fact, I would not have had sex with at LEAST 90% of the people I did have sex with. (Keep in mind, that doesn't mean there have been a lot, but there have definitely been TOO many.)
I'm not sure whether or not I'd change the real loves of my life - or my marriage (in that I wouldn't have done it). True, it would mean I don't have the kids I have now, but maybe they would have been born to better circumstances and better relationships in families with a mom AND a dad and who love and respect each other. That is the toughest question of all.
Maybe I WOULD go ahead and marry my ex-husband, but be a better wife this time around and do what I know could have saved our marriage and then we'd still be together and it would be good.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing for what might have been - the way it was - it was not good and he's been a complete failure as a father to our two children. But I can look back and see where I could have changed things (knowing him like I do) - and he really did want to do better. I KNOW I COULD HAVE (done better)!!!
Of course, if we hadn't divorced, I'd never have gone down this latest path, and I wouldn't have my youngest daughter (again - my kids are the ONLY thing to give me reason to second-guess myself). Or maybe I would have her, but she would have a different last name, who knows??
Gee, Chuck - thanks for making me have to get all deep and philosophical and stuff. I think I need a drink, now!! Anybody got tequila??? I think I'll call my sister and have her pick up some on her way home. ...osm
posted by OneSingleMom @ 10/21/2004 02:20:00 PM
4 Comments:
At 10:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
I know what you mean. I wish I could go back in time, and wait to lose my virginity until I was older, and not get my tattoo's and do better at school. But I know if I did go back and do all that then I still would have found a way to fuck things up, and it could have been a whole lot worse than it is now.
At 7:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
The simple thing I've come to learn over time is that we can't deal with what if's, we can only deal with what is, and try to do better the next time around. It is difficult to say how different decisions in the past would affect our path in life today. One of my favorite people in the world says, "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I'm o.k. and I'm on my way." Chances are you may recognize that quote. If you don't, and you want to know who said it, just ask.
At 8:21 PM,
Toron said…
Yeah, I've been waiting for ages now! How are you???
At 4:50 AM,
Jen said…
Where are you?? Is everything okay?
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