PQ Talking Photo

WOW!!! I need to get back to blogging - and check out the talking photo thingy!!!

It's called CHRISTmas for a reason - and it IS the reason for THIS season...

A couple of weeks ago I attended the celebration of the Carol of Lights at the University where I am employed. I was standing in the crowd (along with my 2 daughters) listening to the choir and the brass ensemble perform and eagerly waiting for the University's President to flip the switch and illuminate the whole campus with the lights we had hung the week after Thanksgiving.

Finally, the Prez took the mic and began to speak. He opened with a brief statement about how it was easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of this time in the semester - preparing for finals and all - and to forget what the real meaning was: the blessing that God has given us in the birth of Jesus and the many gifts He gives us. Now, when I say brief, I mean VERY BRIEF and definitely NOT the focus of his talk - just a short blip reflecting his own thoughts. As soon as the words passed his lips, I heard from beside me "boooooooo,... boooooooo" - not quite loud enough to be heard all the way to the front of the crowd, but enough to turn heads in the immediate area - at least mine. Without even thinking, I turned to discover a pimply-faced kid of about 23 and almost just as quickly I blurted out "It's Christmas... what do you expect?????"

He started ranting about how he expected our President to have the "presence of mind not to... blah blah blah". I again said "Dude, it's CHRISTMAS - if you don't want to hear about CHRIST, don't be here."

AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH - What is the deal here, people?? We don't put up Hanukkah lights or trees (not that I'm against Hanukkah - which I'm sure I haven't spelled correctly). But CHRISTMAS is what started this whole celebration season - yes, even the commercial one - and without it would we HAVE this season??? I don't think so. So why is it so wrong to acknowledge the REASON FOR THE SEASON????

I don't care if you don't believe - scratch that - I CARE, but I won't force my beliefs on you. But if you are going to celebrate Christmas - or come to a Christmas celebration - then PLEASE don't be offended when you hear Christ's name!!

Think She's Having A Bad Day?

This is a post in honor of my friend, T, who is dealing with having 2 grown step-children and one grandchild moving back home and a husband who, although well-intentioned, is maybe in a bit of DEE-NYE-ULL. The oldest of these kids is 27, and a single white male with no dependents - he is trying to find himself and is going back to school to do so. The other is 20-ish going on 15-ish - I love ya Wiff, but you've got a kid of your own now - time to get a JOB and deal with it. Nobody's saying they won't help you - but you have to make a move of some kind on your own. I know my own parents probably feel the same way about me, and I'm 44 - but I don't live at home, either - small comfort, eh?

God Bless T!! She got fed up and compiled a list of rules as follows: (I have not edited this - it is in her own words, font, and capitalization, lol)

take care, ....osm

7-5-06

SINCE YOU BOTH LIVE HERE FREE OF RENT OR RESPONSIBILITIES THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE REQUIRED OF BOTH OF YOU;

1. YOU WILL HAVE TWO WEEKS TO GET A FULL TIME JOB. THE MONEY FROM THIS JOB WILL BE USED TO PAY FOR YOUR NECESSITIES SUCH AS CAR PAYMENTS AND INSURANCE, FOOD AND DIAPERS AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MAY REQUIRE FOR YOUR NEEDS AND THOSE IN YOUR CARE. IF YOU CAN NOT OR WILL NOT FIND EMPLOYMENT THEN YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO SEEK SHELTER ELSE WHERE.
2. YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO SAVE A PORTION OF YOUR EARNINGS; 25%; TO ENABLE YOU TO MOVE OUT OR PAY FOR UNFORSEEN EXPENDITURES THAT MAY ARISE. IF YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ON YOUR OWN THEN YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO GIVE 100% OF YOUR PAY TO US AND WILL BE PUT ON AN ALLOWANCE. TO DO THIS, HOWEVER, WOULD NOT GET YOU ANY CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL AND OURS, OF BEING MATURE AND SELF- RELIANT ADULTS.
3. YOUR ARE RESPONSIBLE TO US AND THIS HOUSE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. THAT MEANS GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS DO NOT COME FIRST. IF YOUR CHORES ARE NOT DONE, THEN THEY WILL BE DONE BEFORE YOU LEAVE. IF THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIVES THINK THIS IS BULLSHIT, THAN YOU ARE WELCOME TO LIVE WITH THEM.
4. SINCE YOU ARE NOT PAYING ANY BILLS REQUIRED TO SUSTAIN THIS HOUSE, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO HELP WITH THE UPKEEP: SWEEP, MOP, DUST AND VACCUM. DAILY IF NEEDED BUT DEFINITELY WEEKLY. THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE!!!!! DISHES WILL BE PUT AWAY DAILY AND THE COMMON AREAS CLEANED DAILY.
5. YOUR ROOMS ARE TO BE KEPT CLEAN AT ALL TIMES AND THIS DOES NOT MEAN THROWING THINGS UNDER THE BED OR IN THE CLOSET. IF THIS HAPPENS, I WILL ASSUME YOU CARE VERY LITTLE ABOUT YOUR BELONGINGS AND THIS IS PERHAPS TRASH AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH AND THROWN OUT.
6. YOUR LAUNDRY WILL BE DONE EVERY WEEK. IF YOU CAN NOT COMPLY WITH THIS REQUEST; HIRE IT DONE!
7. YOU ARE TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH WHEN NEEDED OR SOONER IF IT HAS SMELLY ITEMS IN IT. THIS IS NOT A FEEDLOT! THE SMELL OF S&!T DOES NOT MEAN MONEY.
8. THERE WILL BE NO SMOKING IN YOUR BEDROOMS. UNTIL YOU GROW UP AND GET YOUR OWN PLACE. THE ANSWER IS “NO”
9. THERE WILL BE NO FOOD OR DRINKS IN THE BEDROOMS. REFER TO ITEM 5 IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.
10. YOU WILL WASH EVERY DISH, CUP, AND GLASS. BOWL ETC. YOU USE AND PUT THEM IN THEIR PROPER PLACE! I’M TIRED OF CHASING DOWN KITCHEN ITEMS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO PUT THEM IN THEIR PROPER PLACE. THIS MAKES IT HARD ON EVERYBODY WHO USES THE KITCHEN AND REALLY PISSES OFF THE COOK!!!!!!
11. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILY TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY ENVIORNMENT IN WHICH TO LIVE. IF THE SHOE STINKS; GET RID OF IT OR PUT IT IN YOUR CAR. THIS MAKES IT HEALTHIER ON EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE.
12. YOU HAVE BEEN PROVIDED BEDROOMS IN WHICH TO SLEEP. IF YOU FIND YOUR ROOM TOO UNCOMFORTABLE; THEN MAKE OTHER ARRANGMENTS. YOU ARE NOT FORCED TO LIVE HERE.
13. ONE TOWEL IS TO BE USED EACH TIME YOU SHOWER OR BATHE. IF YOU GET OUT OF THE SHOWER AND THINK YOU NEED A NEW TOWEL, THEN YOU DIDN’T DO A GOOD JOB THE FIRST TIME. YOU WILL BE ALLOWED TWO TOWELS A WEEK EACH AND IT IS YOUR RESPOSIBILITY TO KEEP THEM CLEAN AND LAUNDERED. IF YOU CAN NOT COMPLY WITH THIS, GO TO A TRUCK STOP TO WASH YOURSELVES.
14. THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR NOT COMPLYING WITH THESE SIMPLE RULES. THESE CAN BE CHANGED OR ADDED TO AT ANY TIME BY HOMEOWNERS.
15. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS REGARDING THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS, TALK THE HOMEOWNERS. BUT CHANCES ARE THE RULES WILL NOT CHANGE.
16. TO DISREGARD THE ABOVE RULES WILL BE CONSIDERED A BLATANT SIGN OF DISRESPECT TO THOSE WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU. THIS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN ANY WAY AND WILL BE DEALT WITH HARSHLY. YOU MAY EVEN BE ASKED TO LEAVE WITHOUT NOTICE.

Boy are these folks confused....

My kids will tell you these folks have no clue what they are talking about!! I wonder if I was just that "off" with my answers?? ...osm

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The Leopard's Spots, Part II

Ok - so it's been a while since I started this post. Sue me, I've been busy or distracted or something.

Anyway, let's see - what I was saying was that I was finally seeing a part of my ex-husband that reminded me why I had fallen in love with and married him some 23+ yrs ago and that was the reason I wanted to take back a lot of the really hateful, hurtful things I've said and thought about him since we split up.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say something to my kids - just in case they ever find this blog and read it. I am not in any way trying to embarrass you or "out" you about the life decisions you make that I don't understand. I really don't expect anyone who knows any of us to read this, anyway. I have not shared the address of this blog with the people I know, in general. In fact, there are really only two people who have the url that I know in "real" life - and neither of them live here. Anyway - that being said - let me get back to my original subject matter.

So, here we are - crisis in the making. Some 42 y/o married-at-least-once-maybe-twice loser is courting my daughter, filling her full of bull about being a self-taught man whose father emphasized respect and self-control for every human being - blahblahblah.....

Sorry - but all I can hear is he's 42 y/o and married probably twice. Can't get past it - don't care if he taught himself to speak English, don't care if he's all about higher education, don't care, don't care, don't care. All I can think is that my daughter is SO inexperienced in the ways of the world - she's never had a serious boyfriend (or maybe one), most likely never DONE anything physically serious with a boy/man (don't scoff, her faith, her body, and her morals have always been very important to her), and I can see from miles away that this guy is really only interested in seeing if he can get past all that to make the score. And even if he's not - he's been there, done that, on ALL the important "firsts" of life already - and I know in my heart that my daughter deserves to experience at least SOME of those "firsts", if not all of them, with someone who's of similar experience as she.

Now what? What do I do?? Who do I turn to??? I can't tell my parents - they would be just devastated (I made that mistake when I talked to them about my son's troubles a couple of years ago). Not that they would judge - not at all - but they WOULD be heartbroken and worried, and then they'd also be asking me about it from now on, and I just can't go there. So - I did what I have always harped at my ex- about when it comes to parenting - I called him and said "I need your help."

I told him the whole story - he didn't interrupt once. I asked him what he thought. He sounded like he was very shaken - maybe even emotional - and (thank you GOD!) he agreed with me that we needed to do something, and FAST!!!

This man that I have reviled and belittled in my own mind for the past 20 yrs or so, stepped up and did something I would never have expected. #1 - I did find out from my daughter what line of work this guy was in, and as it happens, I have friends in the same business so I called one of them up and said "Have you ever heard of a G-- R------?" The tone in my friend's voice when she answered me told me that what I was going to hear wouldn't be good. Yup, she sure did know him - used to work with him, in fact - and why did I ask? "What do you know about him?" I queried. Now, my friend knows I'm single (duh) and that I know a lot of other single folks, so I guess she assumed that one of them might have stumbled on this guy and was interested. Her first answer was "What do you want to know?" - I told her I wanted to know EVERYTHING she could tell me. Her next words were "Well, he's a real smooth talker, that's for sure." Oh GOD, I knew it!!! Over the next 15-20 minutes I found out that he had indeed worked with her, been fired for some kind of misconduct or incompetence (didn't ask the details of that), and that around the shop he was known as quite the hound. In fact, she said that the guys even had a special "whistle" they'd use when G came in to signal him for his latest "pussy story" as she put it. I was nauseous. My poor baby was really believing that this man cared that she had an education and carried herself well and that he respected her for her goals and her wonderful vibrant soul - AND her morals. He was taking her to dinner, buying her flowers, being attentive with phone calls, etc... and all the while, back at the "shop" it would be business as usual - and BY GOD, I couldn't let my daughter be the next "story" for the guys.

I told all of this to my ex-. I thought he was going to cry. I could tell he was angry, to say the least - not at our daughter - but at the scumbag. He said "Well, I'll talk to her - tell her a little bit about my OWN experience in that area" (he had been drawn into an affair with a much older woman when he was about 18 and it ended very badly), "and see if I can make her understand a couple of things". I told him I didn't really want her to think I'd just come running/tattling to him - and I SURE didn't want her to know where I found out everything I knew about him.

This is what he did. He went to her, said he wanted to talk to her about G. She was pretty angry by the time this all came about - had told me that we had nothing further to discuss about him - she was a big girl and would live her own life, etc.... He handled her so much better than I ever could have - didn't butt heads with her - pointed out the flawed logic and huge holes in G's own stories about his life/history/background, and bared his soul about his own mistakes with older relationships. I know this was VERY, VERY hard for him, as that affair had left him with many hurts that to this day I'm not sure he's gotten over. He also told her he happened to have a friend in town that was in the same business as G and that he'd asked his friend about him - and told her what I had actually found out. I couldn't believe it - he took the heat for me - I mean, I know it was for our daughter's benefit - but he did it in a way that took the blame off of me. I was stunned. He had no reason to do that - he could very easily have just let me run roughshod over her - lose my cool, push her further away by simply telling her I could never accept her relationship with this "man" (that's a loose interpretation of the word), etc.... He had everything to gain by stepping back and letting ME be the unreasonable, controlling, meddling, overprotective mom and then he could be the understanding, supportive, REASONABLE parent.

I thank God for him in ways I had never thought I would. I thank God for the fact that somehow, we (not just I) managed to raise a daughter who, at age 22, could look her father in the eye and say "Well, I trust your judgement in this, Dad - and I don't want you and Mom to be upset or angry with me, so I'll tell him I can't see him anymore." and then she stuck to it! As angry and hurt as she was - and it wasn't just that simple - I mean, we had a few more emotional conversations about it - she felt she'd made a mistake by breaking it off with him. (Of course, because when she did, she told him what we'd found out about his reputation and he had a perfectly reasonable explanation about his past actions, but he was a changed man, etc....) But she did it.

I have to say that I am proud of her in ways that words could never express - so if you ever read this, Lauren, please know that I DO understand how hard it was for you to just do what your parents thought was best for you, and that I'm so sorry still that what you were looking for and thought you'd found was something that you had to give up for your family - but I know someday you WILL understand be thankful that you did.

And, Rocky - if YOU ever read this - please know that I am really at a loss to describe how much I admire what you did for our daughter. I have underestimated you for a long, long time - and I SO appreciate the fact that when she REALLY, REALLY, needed you and it would have been SO easy for you to just sit back and let me be the bad guy, you stepped up. You treated her with respect and kindness and you treated her like an adult, and you buffered a situation that could very likely have caused a rift between me and her that would have taken YEARS to begin to heal. You parented in a way that I never have been able to, and I thank you.

I can only hope that some day, when she needs him most, Ashellyn's daddy will be there for her in the same way.

Take care, ...osm

Can a leopard change its spots?...

Or is it more likely that when we step back a bit, we just see him in the "bigger picture"?

Anyone who's been here before and taken the time to read through all my posts knows that I've done a LOT of griping about my ex-husband and his total non-involvement as a parent for the past 22 yrs - well, ok, maybe just the past 20 yrs since we separated and then divorced.

Anyway - if you want to know all that crap, you can read back - I'm not gonna even dredge that up in this post. What I want to do is start to modify my view of my ex and shed light on the new "relationship" that we have entered into through the series of events that have occurred to us as parents over the past 2-3 yrs.

The most recent "crisis" involved, surprisingly enough, NOT our son (the one who I have always really fretted about), but our oldest - the responsible, achiever-child. Please, PLEASE know that I am not upset at all with her - she is still the most wonderful child any parent could hope to have - ever - but she is what she is, a 22 y/o girl/woman who is still very naive in the ways of the world. Add that to the fact that she has recently TRULY blossomed into a beautiful woman with a great figure and very far removed from the shyer, less outwardly noticeable girl who graduated from high school 4 yrs ago. In other words, my daughter is now hot and looks the part.

Couple this with the fact that one of her 2 jobs is in a bar that caters to an older "cowboyish" crowd, and you can imagine that the people taking notice of her now tend to have a LOT more life experience than she does. One of these characters recently took an interest in our daughter and set about winning her favor. He took her to dinner, talked about honor and self-sacrifice, the virtues of higher education (she's a college student) and personal ethics, bought her flowers, made phone calls when he said he would etc.... All of that sounds really great - on the surface. My daughter called me to tell me about "the guy" and to sort of get my input/blessing on the start of what she considered to be the exact type of relationship she'd always wanted. I was listening along, feeling her excitement and knowing exactly what she meant/how she felt, and right up until the part where she said "but there's one thing..." I was onboard. Those 4 words made my heart stop, and as she sort of hesitated, I just wanted to scream "what?? what is it?? JUST TELL ME!!!" - not knowing if she was hesitating because he might be of a different ethnic background, or a member of some religious cult, or dying of a terminal illness - WHAT WAS IT?? She said "well, he's 42 years old".

O M G. I honestly nearly passed out, and for a second thought I was going to have to pull over my car (I was talking to her on my cell phone headset as I drove to meet my parents for a day's shopping.) I got lightheaded and swimmy, and it was literally all I could do to stay focused. Thankfully, I was approaching the mall's parking lot and was able to grab a spot and brace myself while I said "oh" and listened to her go on about how he was really so different from the other guys she's known. No kidding - different?? He's MY AGE - old enough to be your PARENT. Not only that, but he has for sure (to her knowledge) been married once before, but maybe twice - she wasn't sure. And, yes, he IS of a different ethnic background that we are - not that race IS the factor of consequence here, but it certainly adds to the dynamics of the situation. My heart raced - I tried to sound calm and reasonable - I just could not afford to launch into the myriad of protests swimming around in my head - not while my emotions were so raw. All I could do was try to point out some really GLARING problems/differences between her life and his and tell her very honestly that I just couldn't see that he was "THE one" - not for her, but that I truly did appreciate her honesty thank her for wanting to involve me in her life. She pointed out that she wasn't really asking my permission - but would like to have some kind of blessing and a promise that I would keep an open mind. My mind was screaming "not frigging likely and give me his address so I can find him and tell him to piss off" and my heart was aching because I KNEW exactly how she was feeling. I so truly remember the first time I fell for a guy - unfortunately, I was 15 at the time whereas she is 22 - but the feeling is the same. I didn't want to crush her, and yet I just couldn't sit back and say "Well, ok, if it's THAT important to you" and go with the flow.

This is the point I'm leading up to about her father and how he really stepped up to the plate and gave me reason to remember why I'd fallen in love with him some 24 years ago. I won't go into it right now, but will pick up this post tomorrow or the next day when I have a chance to - because I really feel that I owe it to him to tell people what he did.

Until then,
It's 10:45pm, do you know where your kids are?? Have you hugged them today and told them how much you love them?? DO IT!! ...osm

What's Your Ya-Ya Name?

Mine is "Mistress All That".

Funny, because people who know me best would definitely say that's who I think I am - well, in a know-it-all kind of way, at least.

You can go here to find out what yours is (note: using lowercase vs uppercase letters seems to make a difference and will change the outcome if you redo with a different combination of upper/lower case.)

When you've got yours, if you're of a mind to, you can go ahead and join the Ya-Ya sisters and look for me there! In fact, if you're interested in maybe starting a blogger Ya-Ya group, let me know and maybe we could do that!

I hope if any of the members read my blog page they are not offended by my TX vs LA comments about the fires/hurricane plight, but it's jmho.

Ya-Ya! ....osm

Blogthings: What does your birthday mean?

Your Birthdate: May 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Your power color: Tangerine Your power symbol: Ace Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Texas Fires vs Louisiana Hurricanes....

The last couple of days have been pretty rough on my Texas Panhandle neighbors.

I read this article and it struck me how no one around here is whining about how the Federal or Local Governments didn't come haul 'em out. As a matter of fact, the Local governments actually did pretty good at trying to protect their own - you'll see if you read the article that nursing home patients and others were transported to safer areas via school buses. And we didn't have any warning, either. At least, not nearly as much as anybody had for Katrina and her friends. These folks just had to grab what they could and literally R-U-N-N-O-F-T. Two poor souls didn't even make it - the fire overtook them as they ran from their home.

I guess my point is this: I just got so tired of hearing how our Government (via President Bush) failed the "test" when we didn't warn about the levees and we didn't send enough evacuation help and we didn't do enough afterwards.... I'm still tired of hearing it - "Brownie" on Capitol Hill, pointing the finger (although I admit I don't think he got a fair shake, either). Where does personal responsibility come into play here. And I know that I'm not saying anything new - bloggers and pundits and analysts and all sorts of really smart other people have been talking about this ever since it happened. I am just taking the time to get up on my own personal soapbox on my own personal web log and give my own personal views.

I am also asking everyone who might read this to pray for rain! Someone sent me an awesome "prayer chain" email the other day. The kind I don't usually forward because they are attached to some kind of "you'llpassthisonifyoureallyreallyreallylovejesus" kind of philosophy. Here's a newsflash: If you reallyreallyreally love Jesus, He already KNOWS it! You don't have anything to prove by passing on an email from someone who doesn't really care about your soul one way or the other anyway.

Anyhow - here's the prayer I am referring to - and I do truly subscribe to the concept that if we all pray together for the same cause, there is awesome power in that! When you read this, just take a minute to recite the prayer - feel free to pass it on, if you like.

Dear God,

I come before you standing with all who are praying at this moment for the relief of drought in the states of Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico. I come in agreement with all who stand before you now, asking for the rain we so desperately need.

Holy Father I ask you to bless, abundantly, those who are suffering great loss as a result of the fires. Grant them the strength and comfort they need as they try so hard to make sense of all the devastation and put their lives together again.

In the name of Jesus the Christ, we come before you asking for this request to be granted.

Amen

Take care ...osm