If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now - Part I...

To Chuck over at Marriage Made Online:

You are posing the hypothetical question like in Peggy Sue Got Married, right? You go back, but you know everything you've learned along the way??

I would go back to 1978 and not have sex for the first time with the person I did. In fact, I would not have had sex with at LEAST 90% of the people I did have sex with. (Keep in mind, that doesn't mean there have been a lot, but there have definitely been TOO many.)

I'm not sure whether or not I'd change the real loves of my life - or my marriage (in that I wouldn't have done it). True, it would mean I don't have the kids I have now, but maybe they would have been born to better circumstances and better relationships in families with a mom AND a dad and who love and respect each other. That is the toughest question of all.

Maybe I WOULD go ahead and marry my ex-husband, but be a better wife this time around and do what I know could have saved our marriage and then we'd still be together and it would be good.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing for what might have been - the way it was - it was not good and he's been a complete failure as a father to our two children. But I can look back and see where I could have changed things (knowing him like I do) - and he really did want to do better. I KNOW I COULD HAVE (done better)!!!

Of course, if we hadn't divorced, I'd never have gone down this latest path, and I wouldn't have my youngest daughter (again - my kids are the ONLY thing to give me reason to second-guess myself). Or maybe I would have her, but she would have a different last name, who knows??

Gee, Chuck - thanks for making me have to get all deep and philosophical and stuff. I think I need a drink, now!! Anybody got tequila??? I think I'll call my sister and have her pick up some on her way home. ...osm

LOL - I Just Heard (read) the Funniest Thing!

Well, it WOULD be funny if it wasn't for the thing about this being MY LIFE!!

The Birds and the Bees

A father asked his 12-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears."Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'."

"At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny speech.'

"When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Tooth Fairyspeech'."

"If you're going to tell me now that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Wish I'd written that one - and copyrighted it!! ...osm

Arrrgghhh.... The Voices In My Head!!

I have been barraged with ideas for posts lately. I KNEW I should have come and put them out here - at least as drafts - the minute I thought of them. Now, here I sit and I cannot even construct a complete sentence. Sheesh!!

I'm chatting a friend who lives in New York right now. She IM'd me to say "Turn on Wifeswap - I went to school with one of the girls on there." I asked which one, and she said "Audrey". Wow - small world, eh? Everyone knows someone who's had at LEAST their 15 minutes of fame, I guess. Mine is a pretty short list - but at the top of it is Jimmy Dean of sausage fame (my father is mentioned in his book). I'll go into that more someday when we REALLY want something to talk about. In fact, I will only write about it if you request it through comments - how's that???

It's also funny to me how UNreal reality tv is. It seems that Miss A's life is not exactly the one they portray. I mean - she IS hardworking and a genuine person, but she is hardly a slave for her husband's business. In addition, it seems that her husband is actually a pretty nice guy. He'd have to be to put up with the shit this new wife is putting him through - having him do ALL the work in the barn AND cook her breakfast in bed. According to my friend, the whole family is a typical farm family - all working hard from daylight to dark and they HAVE to ALL be that way or they don't survive. I think Miss Uppity-Woman from the easy life could have benefited from a few more days in the barn!! Paris, Nicole - are you paying attention?? This is what you look like (or will in about 30 years).

I'm thinking that the rich lady will be lucky to have her life left when she gets back. I wonder if her husband would be interested in moving out to the trailer park after the divorce???? hmmmmm.... Richard, honey - there's a girl in Texas who'll cook and clean for YOU if you promise just to go to work every day and bring him a paycheck and be nice to me - and of course be my bedroom Romeo! Oh, and I'll work, too - and I don't expect a new car or sculptured nails or designer clothes - unless you just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want me to have them!!!

I'm still waiting for the episode of one of these type of shows where one set of the swapped wives/husbands has an affair and then the shit will really hit the fan!!!!

Ok, that's all I can stand for now - I know it's not much - I PROMISE I'll find something better to talk about tomorrow - or later tonight - or whatever and that I WILL POST SOMETHING before the weekend. ...osm

Ok, I'm Officially Advertising...

for a husband!

I've been reading a lot lately about couples who met online and married - and who made it work (or ARE making it work).

I'm tired of being alone, so I thought I would officially advertise for a new husband /partner /mate /love slave /better half - whatever you wish to call it is FINE BY ME!

Every personal ad contains an "About Me" section and a "My Perfect Mate" section, so here goes:

About Me:
I'll get back to this later - I can't seem to get started here right now.

My Perfect Mate:
Ok, first of all, I am willing to admit that NO ONE is perfect. But I do believe that it is possible to find someone who is perfect FOR me. I am NOT in the business of "fixing" anyone, so I will just concentrate on finding someone I can take "as is" (and who is willing to do the same). If I happen to inspire this person to "be a better man" (thanks, Jack!), then so be it.

What is important to me? Wit, humor, intelligence, patience, good solid fiscal policies (mine suck - this doesn't mean I want your money - just please know how to manage it with diplomacy and kindness) - oh yeah, kindness in general, that's another good trait. Sex appeal - I want to find you irresistibly sexy and vice versa - I think it starts in the eyes and the smile. Mmmmmm smiles - I love lips, don't you?? And the little crinkles of laugh lines - gorgeous.

Self-confidence is a good one, too - not arrogance or cockiness - the ideal guy might not even know he exudes confidence, that's ok, too. No, I'm NOT trying to sound like a romance novel - I'm trying to be honest here, and HEY - it's MY fantasy, right??

Body type: homo sapiens. Yeah, there are certain physical attributes about various people that either turn me on or off, but I can't say it's the same for everyone. I've been very attracted to some men who were large (hell, I'm LARGE), and I can't say that if I were PICKING my most sexy features that two or three chins would be a plus, but again - it is an individual attraction thing.

While we're talking about chins - let me just say - I'm not afraid of facial or body hair - but don't try to hide them with it, ok? Hairy chest, smooth chest - no difference to me, really. I just saw a teaser for a tv "news" show doing a piece about men who are waxing their chests for their women. PUHLEEZE. I'd rather have the money to pay bills with, ok? You don't ask me to wax my chest/chin/bikini area (sorry, guys) and I won't ask you, ok?? Now if you want me to keep the grass trimmed, ok by me, by I'm NOT RIPPING IT OUT BY THE ROOTS FOR YOU. NO way, huh uh - nope. I've always had sort of a problem with guys who want a woman bare-shaven - I guess it makes me wonder if they are pretending/fantasizing that - oh never mind - I just can't go there. Now I'm not saying that it's entirely out of the question after a nice long soak in a bubble bath and LOTS of alcohol, but, that's another blog, lol.

Let's go back to the intelligence quotient. I don't so much care whether or not you are college-educated (I myself do not have a college degree, but I do have over 90 college hours), but it probably would help if we are both on the same playing field, intellectually speaking. I'm not talking about all symphonies and libraries and ballets, although those things are nice - and I'd LOVE to be with someone who can appreciate those things, but I am also very happy to watch football, basketball, baseball, or professional wrestling. Just PLEASE don't overtly drool and/or comment about how you wonder what it would be like to nail any of the cheerleaders for any professional sports team or any of the women of the WWF, k? Oh - and NEVER, EVER mention Catherine Zeta Jones in a wistful, lusty way, and we'll be fine.

Speaking of which, let me just pause for a moment to give men everywhere a small hint. Don't comment on how hot you think ANY other woman is in front of your wife/girlfriend/sex buddy. We KNOW you think other women are attractive, but (and I'm speaking only for myself here, maybe) it makes me feel really bad when you talk about how hot so-and-so is when I know I am the 100% polar opposite in body type and looks, ok? I may not say anything, chances are I probably won't (neither will I pout or withhold intimacy over it). But it will hurt my feelings, and I wouldn't hurt yours that way. I will have my own private fantasies about Tom Cruise or Sean Connery or Donny Osmond or Peewee Herman, but I won't ever let you think I might even REMOTELY be comparing you to them. BTW - just kidding about the Peewee Herman thing - I was just seeing if you were still reading. No, I wasn't kidding about Donny Osmond; what's your point?! Hey! - stop laughing - you say that like it was a bad thing.

Well geez, I've just been reminded that I should go to bed - I need my beauty rest if I'm gonna be putting myself "out there" on the (cyber) market. I will try to pick up where I left off next time.

Oh, and one more thing - I talked to my son today (briefly). He sounded really good - not sullen or defensive, but more like the little boy I raised. And (it's my fantasy still, remember?) I'm choosing to believe him when he says he is going to class and not doing any drugs and will never, EVER, EVER do something like that again and that it really wasn't the way it was retold to me. His father has talked to a lawyer about the whole situation involving the younger stepbrother,and he (the lawyer) seems to believe that the school is going to keep it between the 3 boys involved at school and no charges will be filed. I'll admit I have mixed feelings about this. I love him. I'm not stupid, but just for now, can't I just go along with it?? Maybe it IS the truth - it's entirely possible. I'll keep my eyes open, but leave the rose colored glasses on just a bit longer, if you don't mind.

Goodnight!! ...osm

Tequila and Salt

I got one of those feel-good kind of emails today - but I really did feel good after I read it, so I thought I would just stick it up out here and hopefully make someone else feel good. (Especially since I'm not getting any right now - I might as well make someone feel good the only way I can, right? HA HA)

Anyway, here you go! And if there are any copyrights or acknowledgements that need to be made, I apologize - I have no clue who originally wrote this one (although I suspect no one person did it, but rather it is the result of a billion forwarded messages that have been altered by a lot of different people at one time or another - so in that respect, I might as well give Al Gore credit for it, since he invented the internet in the first place.) The comments in blue are entirely my own. ...osm

You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. (No, this does NOT include Ben & Jerry, Tom & Jerry, or Bob & Tom)

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. (Some are better in some ways than others, I just recommend that you don't do them all together at once, and, yes, if you include the family dog, that is a CRIME in most states.)

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. (Except if I hate you, and then it's because you are one of my exes, or someone who has done some irreparable harm to me or my family, in which case you a stupid, worthless piece of garbage, and I wouldn't cross the street to spit on you if you were on fire.)

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. (Especially true if you leave a table full of friends playing cards to go off with your girlfriend for about 15 minutes and come back with a pubic hair stuck between your teeth - and you don't know it!!)

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. (They could also be praying that you are attacked and torn to pieces by wild dogs, or that you get caught having sex in the bathroom at work, but hey - at least they THOUGHT about you, right?)

6. You mean the world to someone. (Probably your unemployed husband/boyfriend who does nothing but lie on the couch all day watching Jerry Springer or surfing the internet for porn or new phone sex numbers. This same person will also expect you to bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan AND do the laundry AND carry out the trash AND change your own flat tires while he watches a ball game on TV.)

7. You are special and unique. (Translated, this means - you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny - which is why you are alone.)

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. (Do the words "internet stalker" mean anything to you? I sure hope you don't have any identifying information posted online that would allow someone to find your address.)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. (Especially if you can sue someone else for it like the idiot lady who spilled McDonald's coffee in her lap.)

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. (Actually, you should really just watch your back, cover your ass, etc.... Remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!)

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. (Until later when you have plenty of time to plot the demise of those who would say rude things about you. If you start talking in public about how you're going to get even, someone might hear you and turn you in.)

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt..... AMEN!

I Think, Therefore I Know McDonald's SUCKS!!

Ok, sorry. I've been reminded (more than once) that I haven't posted in a while. Well sorry - I've been distracted lately.

I have some things to get off my chest. But before I go there, let me just say - I have no real update to my earlier posts about the drama otherwise known as "my life", and suffice it to say that for now, no new is good news, 'k?

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I know I'm not the first person to be ticked off in a drive-thru window. But today, I have finally been freed from the McDonald's habit once and for all. Thank you, Jesus, say AMEN!!! Ok, it really wasn't that dramatic, but - whatever.

In the (recent) past, I admit to being a fast-food junkie. Mainly because I was just too depressed (and/or lazy) to go to the grocery store and keep stocked. Not to mention the fact that would have involved some kind of planning, cleaning, and organizing - YUCK. Result? Well, for one thing, I gained about a 100# in the past yr (not quite, but close). So anyway, I have just recently managed to give up the fast food diet and have opted to set a better example for my young daughter - the older two already grew up thinking that "leftovers" was a special meal. In addition, I have really tried to give up sugar - to the extent that I no longer use it to sweeten my tea (horror of horrors for a good southern gal) or my coffee, and I have given up regular "cokes" for the diet variety, but have REALLY cut back on all carbonated beverages in general. I also try to be smarter about bread and other sugary/carb-laden foods - but only in baby steps. I can't have any major shocks to my system. And in addition, I got a new dishwasher, which REALLY solved the kitchen cleaning problem, so I really haven't minded cooking so much anyway.

Anyway, today I had my nephew (school was out) and one of his little buddies under my supervision for the whole day - but, alas, I haven't made a recent trip to the grocery store and I was not prepared to fix lunch for little kiddies today. Instead, I let them pick a place and went to pick it up. Naturally, they opted for McDonald's, and I was off with an order that sounded more like I was feeding a pro football team than two 11 year-old boys and a 2 year-old cherub. So, I get in line - and finally I get a chance to give my order to the little silver box. Never mind the fact that I had to ask IF they had triple cheeseburgers because they're NOT on the menu, and when I asked "how much they cost", the clerk must have thought I spoke a foreign language - all I got in reply was the subtotal of my order so far. Geez, ok, never mind, I'll just order double cheeseburgers off the $1 menu. At the end of it all, I got the total and was told to pull forward - and THEN I remembered THE APPLE PIES FOR DESERT. The boys each wanted two of them - no biggie because they are 2/$1, right? After some checking from the invisible end of the silver box, I was told that they only had 2 apple pies, would 2 cherry pies be ok (along with the 2 apple ones). Well DUH?? They are sweet and sugary, aren't they?? NO PROBLEM!! So now, I am given an amended total of $16.83 and asked to pull forward.

Upon reaching the 1st window, I was greeted by, (bless her heart) some woman who I KNOW had been an extra in Deliverance. She tells me they made a mistake (say it ain't so) and that they only have 2 apple pies and one cherry pie - so is that ok? I say "sure, just give me what you have" - the boys will just have to make do. About 7 minutes later, she turns around and says "Ok, ma'am, that will be $16.60." What?? I get a $.20 break for the price of ONE pie? TWENTY CENTS?? That's all?? Then why are they 2/$1 on the menu?? By MY calculations, that's $.50. Ok, ok - you are right - it's not like it's a huge amt of money - but - I would correct them if they undercharged me (most likely - especially if I caught it right away) - and, c'mon - I've already had them change their minds 3 times about what's available.

So, I say - "look, I don't want to be petty, but - are you telling me that the difference in price in my order is only $.20 for 3 pies instead of 4??" The girl says "well, the cherry pies are $.89 each." Ok, shut the hell up. I ORDERED APPLE. You didn't have apple and offered to substitute cherry and I very good-naturedly agreed. No bitching about it - just "sure, no problem" and NOW you are telling me that because YOU are out of what I ordered, you are going to charge me MORE for the substitution?? I say "But wait, the pies are 2/$1 on the value menu, and I ordered TWO, I can't help it if you only had one." Deer in the headlights look from the clerk. She finally managed to stammer "Well, I don't know - I just pushed the button to order one cherry pie, since that's all we have." That was it. The whole explanation. And then, she just stood there looking at me like she was waiting for pigs to fly out of my butt.

By this time, there were no less than 7 other cars behind me (I had been the ONLY one in line when I pulled up).

So I just said "never mind, that's fine", took my change, and pulled to the 2nd window to get my order, fully intending once there to ask for the manager on duty. When I got there, a younger, thinner version of the 1st clerk opened the window, shoved two HUGE sacks and a happy meal at me without even speaking, let alone making eye contact. As I was putting the sacks down in the seat, and the drive-thru window was closing, she said "Thanks." So much for asking for the manager, I had two 11 year-old boys and a sleeping 2 year-old at home waiting - I was really in kind of a hurry, since the LAST thing I wanted was to come home to sirens and child protective services.

Fortunately, I've been listening to the news a LOT lately and I found out (again, probably) that ONE BIG MAC has about 1400 calories. That's probably MORE than I need to eat per day to lose the weight those damn things put on me in the first place. Thank GOD today gave me the willpower to NEVER DARKEN THEIR DOORSTEP AGAIN.

Probably NOT the entertaining story you were looking for - but I never promised anything but rants about my every day life. Compared to what I've had lately, this is actually a welcome nuisance, I guess.

Are you happy now, Chuck?? ...osm

To Answer Your Question(s)....

Chuck over at Marriage Made On-line had this little quiz posted. I obligingly answered all his questions only to find that his new "haloscan" comment tracker doo-hickey won't accept posts over 1000 words or characters or some-odd something-or-other for accounts that aren't "upgraded", soooo I just decided to put the info here.

Hope you enjoy! (yeah, right - like you REALLY care? - well ok, maybe you do) ....osm

1. Your state/province/country - Texas - born in Lubbock (home to Buddy Holly and Mack Davis) - raised in Hereford (go South till ya' smell it, and West till ya' step in it), and currently I live near Amarillo.... do I REALLY need to tell you what country this means I'm in???

2. Your Sex - not in over 3 yrs, oh - uh - I mean - Female....

3. Your Marital Status - Divorced for so long, I should be able to answer "single" to this one....

4. How Many Kids - 3 - daughter 20, son 18, daughter 2 (yes, TWO and yes, I know where babies come from, lol)....

5. Your Education Level - Ah ben edjumakayted - ok, I don't have my college degree, but maybe someday I'll finish those last 20 or 30 hours....

6. Your Fave Sports Team - hmmmmmm - I haven't really had a favorite in a number of years - Maybe that's because I have no man in the house to share it with - anybody interested???....

7. Your Political Views - Laid-back conservative ??

8. Work Field - Virtual Recruiter - work from home, find people to go out and sell things and make lots of money doing it.... Need a Job???? I AM legit!!

9. Major Hobbies - Being Queen of the Trailer Park takes up most of my time, but if I had spare time, I'd probably sleep, or read, or throw darts, but I would never, ever, ever go to PRACTICE darts and end up drinking, dancing, and singing Karaoke - that's where babies come from!!!

10. Favorite Food - I'll eat anything that doesn't me first, and sometimes, even if he does!

11. Age at which You Lost Your Virginity - Sadly, 15 (but nearly 16) - why have most of us felt compelled to say we are not proud of this? Not sure - but I am not proud of it - and I hope my kids never know about it!!!

Huh?

Okay - well - now that the last bit posted, the others show up too?? What's up with that?? Well GOOD, now I don't have to try and remember what I was ranting about, right? ...osm

Trying to Catch Up

Just letting you guys know - I have tried a couple of times to post (really good stuff, too, dammit) - and then for some reason it won't go. I have not quit - I am just trying to remember what I wrote. I guess from now on, I'll create it in MSWord and then copy/paste it here so I don't lose it. ...osm

We Really Should Talk More Often....

We should. But I've tried twice to post and fucking blog loses it every time I hit publish.

I give up - for now. ...osm

We Really Should Talk More Often....

Sorry - Not sure exactly to whom I am addressing the apology - but I know I have been away for longer than I intended.

Every time I come to post, I get side-tracked reading someone else's infinitely MORE entertaining (and better written, and probably more important) blog.

I've had tons of good ideas - usually while I'm lying on my bed at the OTHER end of the trailer. Therefore, none of them have made it to the 'net. I soooooo yearn for the future days of a Jetson-like existence - with computer screens/input keypads/keyboards in every room, so that I can work from any room in the house and I can just roll over and type about whatever hits me - whenver it hits me. Boy, was that a long sentence (or incomplete phrase) or what??? whew!

At any rate, I'm here now - and can't think of a damn thing to post. I guess I'll tell you that I'm due in court in the morning at 9:30 and that I should be doing laundry, planning what to wear, and getting to bed early - but I'm not. I'm doing my usual passive-aggressive number.

Why am I going to court, you ask? Because my deadbeat asshole of an ex-husband owes me something like $80k in back child support (according to court records), and the Attorney General of the State of Texas is going to try and do something about it. Right? Right! Not that I'll ever see a dime - or even one penny of the money. You see, while my ex claims he cannot possibly spare one nickel to pay ME the money he owes ME for raising his kids BY MYSELF for 17+ yrs, he can damn sure hire an attorney who advises him to file bankruptcy after requesting a continuance of the original court date, which was 2 wks ago. Me? No attorney here. Nosireebob - I'm gonna just depend on the fact that the system will work!! (Can you say SUCKER??? I knew you could!!).

Now before you Y-chromosome carriers get all bent about what a money-grubbing piece of trash I am, let me clear a couple of things up. I am not the one who says the guy owes me $80k - in fact, I will readily admit he doesn't owe me that full amount(which is actually a principal amt of $40k plus interest). But of course the dumbass should have had the good sense to pay me through the courts as directed. Back in 1990-91 he wrote me some checks that bounced, and then quit paying me long enough to have an order of garnishment carried out. That worked until 1995 when he quit his well-paying job WITH benefits (he was ordered also to carry health insurance on the kids) to go to work with his brother doing paintless dent repair (you know, the guys that come to town after a really big hail storm and advertise to fix your car for loads less than the original insurance quotes, thus saving you money so you can go out and buy a couple of cases of beer or whatever?) Needless to say, after several months of keeping up the pretense by paying ontime, he started to get less and less reliable, sometimes going 7-8 months (or more) between payments that were NEVER up-to-date. Because of the bounced checks earlier, my bank would ALWAYS hold funds paid to me from his checking account the maximum time allowed by law (to be sure the check cleared) and so, given a choice, I'd ask for cash instead of a check - every time. YOU BET YOUR ASS. So now, of course, his claim is that he HAS paid me (most, if not ALL of what he owes me), and that he does have canceled checks to prove at least part of it (true - except that technically the court can tell him that ANY money given to me directly and not paid through the county clerk's office or ag's ofc is considered GIFT MONEY and not child support, but whatever), but the big claim of his is that I told him I wanted cash only so that I could come back later and hit him up for a HUGE amount of money. I deny every bit of it - and I'm just finally glad to be getting it over with. I've filed on him twice before, only to have him start paying his regular amount (which is what I've wanted all along) and then talk me into dropping the case. I'm done this time - whatever the court says he owes I'll be happy with - be it $80k or $80 - I DO NOT CARE. I just want this over with, done, decided - so that he can't try to make it into a "he said, she said" affair any longer. In addition, I carried the health insurance on our children for about 5 yrs (before it got just too expensive), and have been solely responsible for ALL of their healthcare costs. He never even bothered to visit when they were in the hospital, let alone pay a medical bill.

On a brighter note, he did ask me to meet him for lunch this past Friday so that he could tell me my son may soon be charged with selling drugs. Yeah, I'm thrilled to be here, folks! I can't begin to explain this now - which is probably one reason why I haven't posted in a while - and needless to say, my heart is breaking by the minute. My wonderfully smart, bright, funny, loving, obstinate, conniving, clown of a baby boy sold prescription drugs (not his) to his step-brother so he could in turn sell them to a kid at school. I want to die. I want to crawl in a hole and pull the ground over me and disappear. I can't even begin to imagine how he EVER in a million years could do something like that. Words escape me. Totally. I try to talk about it and nothing comes. Dreams come. Dreams that my son is dead, that my house is on fire and I can't get my kids out fast enough, dreams about storms of epic proportions that send me frantically searching the countryside looking for my children who I've lost and cannot find. I am so tired, but I don't want to sleep.

Do you have any idea what it's like to be dreaming that your child actually has died because he swallowed too many pills trying to have a good time, only to awaken and have that momentary flash that it WAS JUST A DREAM and then to realize that it might not actually be a dream for long???? It fucking sucks. I feel as though he is already dead. I have no way to contact him. No phone - the ex and his wife moved and left him there, remember? 400 miles from home. Thanks. Love ya, mean it. As of Friday afternoon, their number had been disconnected - so although he can stay at the house until the bank actually physically takes possession of it (oh, did I mention that my ex's new lawyer advised him to file bankruptcy because of the pending child support case? No, it won't relieve his obligation to pay the arrears due, but as long as he is IN bankruptcy, the Attorney General's office can make no attempt to collect arrears - only currently due amts and there are none in my case.) So although he can STAY at the house, there is NO PHONE THERE NOW. My ex-husband's take on the situation? "You can't MAKE him do anything - he's 18 - he has a right to be where he wants to be." Fucking pussy. He has no clue. You KNOW in your heart/head that legally you can't make them do anything - but you don't let the kid know that you know. You're damn sure gonna at least get caught trying, right??

I'll be making a trip down there as soon as I can get the money for gas. All I can do is pray that he IS going to class still and that he has realized what a stupid, awful thing he did and that he's not continuing to do it - and that I can find him, beat the living shit out of him (and some sense into him), then hug him, pack him up, and bring him the fuck home again with me.

Say a little prayer for me, would you? I need all the help I can get, and I'm not exactly on speaking terms with God right now. Oh, I know he's there, and that he's listening, I just don't know how to thank Him for all this - not yet. Maybe someday - we'll see. ...osm